pixelsandpinholes: February 2009

A couple of days ago a friend told me about how she pushed a bit too hard in class and injured a back muscle. Since then she can not back bend to the extent she could only days before. I told her that injuries teach us patience and she replied, 'oh yeah, is that what you've learned?' Indeed it was.

Injuries in yoga have reminded me of a few lessons. Patience was learned during recovery. I pulled my lateral collateral ligament (LCL) in my knee; its not a terrible injury, but it has the potential of being worse if one ignores it. I took all the medical advice given: took ibuprofen, iced it, and abstained from aggravating movements. I did this religiously, but after a couple of weeks, I decided it was time to see improvement. I had been compliant and deserved healing in return. To my disappointment, after a couple of weeks my knee was still quite swollen. The point is, I expected the healing process to occur on my terms and expected reward for my efforts. Once I realized the absurdity of this expectation, I gave in and listened to my body. It forced me to focus on the present and where I am now, not where I want to be. I didn't push my knee when I could feel it wasn't ready to be pushed. In time, it felt better and I pushed when appropriate.

The more humbling lesson learned was the realization that my ego was the motivation behind my need to heal in my time frame. After all, there were many postures I couldn't do to the fullest with a less-than-flexible knee. The fact that I couldn't do these postures didn't bide well with my ego, especially with a demonstration scheduled in a month. I felt less-than and was annoyed that I couldn't do postures like I could before my injury. At this point I was reminded how ego can result in unhealthy and short-sighted decisions. The ego creates disconnect between body and mind and, in this case, it got in the way of the healing process.

The hardest lesson, and one I am still trying to achieve (not that I consistently achieve the others) is to recognize my limits. Generally speaking, I believe we have no limitations with regard to self-evolution, love, and the acquisition of knowledge; however, at any given time point there are limitations. It is my goal to acknowledge the limits of my body within each time point. This requires listening to my body's cues and pushing it within the limitation of that time point, for that is the only way to work through our limits. This idea respects where my body is at the moment while doing the best I can within that limitation. Through a discussion with a friend years ago, I realized from limitation comes creativity. Bravo's show, Top Chef, uses this concept regularly with the Quick Fire challenge. The show limits the time and ingredients available and the chefs are judged on the creativity and quality of their dishes.

It is my intention to not only do yoga in a room, but to also apply yoga to my whole life. Since my friend mentioned her injury, I've been thinking about what I have learned from these lessons and how it is time to apply them to emotional injuries as well. It is important to give emotional injuries time to heal on their own time line, for if I force them to heal, they will come back, swollen and more sensitive than they were the first time. Emotional injuries aren't fun; they are humbling and for most of us, our egos are not comfortable with vulnerabilities. We want to show we are strong and impenetrable and I am no exception. Instead I must keep in mind that our species learns most effectively from pain and to respect this process. I also have emotional limitations and it is my responsibility to recognize them and to respect my limitations at any given time point, while working through them. There is only so much injury we can endure without healing, and without healing, we will reach our demise. Lastly, it is my intention to not only respect my limitations, but also to accept that others have limitations as well. It is my goal to accept that everyone has a process and it is my hope that we are all working toward moving through our limitations and healing our wounds.

A couple of quotes by Eckert Tolle that resonated with me today; now the challenge is to live them.

If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep your inner space clear.

The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly -- you usually don't use it at all. It uses you. This is the disease. You believe that you are your mind. This is the delusion. The instrument has taken you over.